You May Hear My Voice, but are You really Hearing My Need?
Our kids are speaking to us in ways and messages everyday that you and I are not really hearing. We may be hearing their words but totally missing the message.
What a parent must be in tune to is their tone of voice, their body language, their actions, and their attitude. These are all elements coming form the level of their self esteem. Are you able to really understand what they are saying; especially, when their words to do match up with their actions?
Closer Relationships come from meeting their emotional needs
Building a trust and bond between parent is critical; especially as they enter their teen years. Learning to listen to the deeper message, the one that they are silently saying, is a skill worth learning. This is a skill you can master, and it is never to early to start.
Where to Start
Start by observing people’s attitudes and actions that they express based on the Seven Basic Human Needs which is an adaptation from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
These Seven Basic Human Needs are universal and influence the motivation and determination behind our decisions and actions.
Out of Sorts
Any of these needs can easily fall out of balance as a person experiences a change in their routine, a sudden life altering event, or just day to day disruptions. Rather then taking the time to address them, we learn to adapt, ignore, and move on. Unwilling to deal with the emotional impact of these hidden emotions will throw our mental rhythm out of balance, creating a chain reaction of anxiety, leading to low self esteem. The idea of “brush it under the carpet” and pushing forward, rather than addressing the issue, is the root to adolescent burn-out, feeling frustrated, and out of sorts. Possibly also why so many are turning to self-medication to deal with their issues.
What to do?
I have always found the easiest way to find the answer is to first locate the problem. Once I have an understanding of what is the root cause, I can find ways to quickly take action to balance their human needs. No age is to young to address these needs and bring stability to their mental thinking. What I have found as a result, is greater emotional balance that is reflected in their attitude, motivation and determination to accomplish their goals.
So What Are these Seven Emotional Needs?
The elements that make up the Seven Emotional Core Needs are Purpose, Certainty, Significance, Growth, Variety, Contribution, Love. The chart lists the need, the indicators of whether those needs are being met or not, and the actions one can take.
Personally, I like to think of this list as a gauge for the Attitude of the Heart. For when all seven are fulfilled and functioning, the ability to reach out to others, becomes an easy task causing relationships to flourish and grow.
The chart is a great guide for working with children, teenagers, and other adults. It shows the emotions, feelings, and actions one feels when their emotional needs are actively being fulfilled and when they are not.
What are my steps?
First, Watch, pay attention to the clues. They are speaking loud and clear through their actions. Compare what you are seeing to what is written in the negative block. Look for similar actions, and then you will be able to identify the Human Need that is calling out for attention.
Second, Next look in the positive block where you will find a few suggestions of what positive actions can be taken to address their need.
What you are doing is giving them is training of what they can start giving themselves. (This information is not intended to diagnose, or prescribe)
Let me give you a personal example:
When I feel argumentative, edgy for no reason. Perhaps I offer a quick negative comeback to others in conversation. I might even recognize that I’ve stated overeating and feeling nervous. Looking at the chart I realize that all of the attitudes and actions are found under the need for Certainty.
Recognizing these emotions to be true, I begin to read the block with the Positive Actions. I see that I could establish more of a routine, possibly create a schedule, and get more organized. All of these I can do myself and will give me a feeling of being more in control, as well as a sense of security.
NOTE: A person may have several needs that are lacking attention. Always, pick out the need that speaks the loudest, or is drawing more attention. Seek ways in your life that you personally can fulfill these needs for yourself as well as others.